Regulating the Nervous System: Grounding Tools That Actually Work

Intentions for the new year often reflect a culture that equates success with productivity. We are told to set resolutions for optimization, to be better at something, to do more. I hear from colleagues and clients that this message lands as pressure rather than possibility. When we are already stressed, when time feels fleeting, or when we are concerned about the bottom line, the idea of adding more goals, habits, or self-improvement plans feels overwhelming.

This is where nervous system regulation can be a restorative resolution. This is not an aspirational practice. Rather, we utilize practical tools to increase comfort, feel more steady and be more present.

As a trauma-informed clinician, I want to be clear: regulation is not about “calming down” on command. There’s nothing less effective or more invalidating than being told (or telling yourself) to “calm down!” Regulation is about building enough safety and predictability in your body so that calm becomes possible over time.

Below are grounding tools that actually work because they meet the nervous system where it is, not where we think it should be.

What Does It Mean to Have a “Sensitive” Nervous System?

A sensitive nervous system isn’t a flaw. It’s a reflection of the wisdom one has gained as the result of lived experience—chronic stress, trauma, relational wounds, or long periods of needing to stay alert to survive. It’s widely accepted that marginalized identities more commonly live with ongoing nervous system activation.

Signs may include:

• Physical symptoms including tightness stiffness or aches, as well as shallow or quick-paced breathing

• Feeling easily overwhelmed or overstimulated by environment or thoughts 

• Difficulty relaxing, even when there’s nothing to do

• Being hyper-alert or generally exhausted and checked out

• Strong emotional reactions such as anger, fear, or general irritation that feel hard to regulate.

When this is your baseline, generic advice like “take a deep breath” or “think positive thoughts” often misses the mark. Remember, our systems have learned to protect us through tough experiences. Teaching a different approach takes time and tenderness. Regulation requires tools that work with the body before the rational mind.

Grounding vs. Distraction: Why It Matters

Grounding exercises are often misunderstood. True grounding isn’t about escaping discomfort; it’s about orienting to what is actually here right now in a way that signals safety to the nervous system.

Effective grounding:

• Engages with all senses or the body.

• Is simple repeatable and trustworthy.

• Doesn’t require you to feel calm right away.

• Helps reduce physiological arousal over time with practice.

If a tool feels frustrating, activating, or impossible to sustain, it’s not a failure. It’s a mismatch. Regulation is an individual practice.

Grounding Tools that Actually Work

Orienting to the Environment

One of the most trauma-informed grounding exercises is also one of the simplest.

Slowly look around and name:

• 3 things you can see

• 2 things you can hear

• 1 thing that feels physically supportive (the chair, the floor, your breath)

• You can certainly add in things your smell and taste.

Why this works: it gently brings the nervous system out of threat mode and into present-moment awareness—without forcing relaxation.

Use it in moments when your feeling anxious, checked out or “not quite here.”

Temperature as a Regulator

Temperature changes can powerfully influence nervous system regulation. I find that cooling, in particular, can provide relief if we feel a need for grounding.

Options include:

• Splashing cool water on your face or wrists.

• Stepping outside during the cold winter months for a minute or two.

You may also find that introducing warmth is effective. 

Try:

• Experimenting with various degrees of warm water in your daily shower. Notice subtle changes.

• Holding a mug of warm water, coffee, tea and experiencing the heat into your hands.

I don’t recommend, or think it’s necessary, to subject yourself to temperature extremes with this exercise. These sensory inputs provide clear, nonverbal cues of safety or reset. It need not be shocking.

Why it works: The body responds to sensation faster than to thought.

Gentle or Rhythmic Movement

For many people with anxiety, or those learning to feel their physical experience, stillness can increase distress. Regulation often comes through movement.

Try:

• Slow walking while noticing your feet make contact with the ground

• Rocking gently side to side 

• Stretching with long exhalations

• There are many, many options. I’m happy to provide more insight and examples here.

The key is rhythm, not intensity. 

Why it works: This helps discharge excess activation without overwhelming the system.

Extended Exhale Breathing

Not all breathing exercises are helpful. For sensitive nervous systems, focus less on deep inhales and more on longer exhales.

Example: 

• Inhale for 4/Exhale for 6–8

• Try experimenting by adding a momentary pause after your exhale

If counting feels stressful, simply sigh or hum on the exhale. I’m happy to assist further with what is called 2-2-1 breathing.

Why it works: A longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system, supporting anxiety relief without forcing calm.

Physical Containment

Containment helps when emotions feel too big or unmanageable.

You might:

• Wrap yourself tightly in a blanket, or use a weighted blanket to cover up.

• Place one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen. I find that a ziplock bag filled with sand can also be helpful.

• Cross your arms and gently squeeze.

• Look up the butterfly hug, a resource I use during EMDR treatment.

Why it works: These gestures communicate boundaries and safety to the body. 

Open Awareness: Name Without Analyzing

Instead of judging your anxious response, acknowledge your experience with clarity. Instead of trying to make uncomfortable feelings go away, notice the value that acceptance can have

Just notice:

• “My chest feels tight.”

• “My thoughts are racing.”

• “I’m noticing a lot of energy in my body.”

Why it works: This reduces self-judgment and prevents emotional escalation. It cultivates compassionate curiosity and acceptance, while keeping you grounded in the present.

What Actually Builds Regulation Over Time

Grounding exercises work best when:

• Practiced outside of feeling overwhelmed.

• Used consistently, not perfectly, maybe for 5-10 minutes per day.

• Chosen based on your body’s response—not trends or expectations

Nervous system regulation is cumulative. Small, repeated moments of peace become trustworthy aids that add up with time and practice.

A New Year Reset That Respects Your Nervous System

If you’re setting intentions this year, consider this one:

I will prioritize feeling safe and supported in my body.

This might mean fewer goals, more rest, clearer boundaries, or support that’s trauma-informed and relational. Regulation isn’t a productivity hack. Regulation a prerequisite for meaningful change.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever felt like self-care “doesn’t work” for you, it may be because your nervous system needs attunement, not unhelpful and empty advice. Grounding is not about fixing yourself, or getting away from your experience. It’s about listening more closely to what your system is asking for and using your time to supply just that.

With the right tool, some compassionate curiosity, and maybe some professional guidance, regulation becomes less about control and more about trust.

If you’d like support learning how to work with your nervous system rather than against it, I’d love to support you in your self-care. 

You don’t need to push harder this year.